rantz and more

Where does the time go?

2008-08-24T10:24:00.003-05:00

It's one death after another, lately. The deaths are not of people to whom I was ever close, more like people one degree removed from me, thus leaving me feeling badly for my friends who are dealing with the shock of unexpected and, in some cases, tragic deaths.

A thought keeps going through the back of mind.... "Is this a training period, of sorts, for me?" My mother, stepfather, aunt, father are all getting up there in years. I can't imagine my life without them in it....and yet, people everywhere deal with these losses every day and my closest friends are dealing with this pain.

It started with a plane crash, then a recently diagnosed Alzheimer's patient, then a 41 year old with diabetes, then a friend's uncle who had not had heart problems in 25 years -- massive heart attack at home and then a woman whose reputation at work simply glowed.....heart attack while packing to move she and her family to a new home.....because our company was closing her office.

I'm sending love and warmth into the Universe on behalf of these people and those who loved them.

XOXO

Dreams

2008-01-05T20:43:00.000-05:00

I keep having dreams.....sexual dreams.....VERY sexual dreams about people in my life who are not necessarily my partner. Last night, I had two dreams about my closest friend at work.

In the first dream, she was in a long white dress with gold square boxes sewn in and she came over to where I was standing and asked me to dance.

I hesitated before accepting her invitation and then realized I was shaking. I went to her, held her, reached down and lifted up her chin so I could kiss her. And yes, we danced.

Hours later I had another dream in which we were literally "in the throes".....I'll spare everyone the details but I have been unable to shake the feeling of 'wanting more' all day.

San Antonio Spurs

2007-06-17T15:24:00.000-05:00

I lived in Texas from around 1978, off and on, through about 1993. The Spurs were NEVER a winning BBall team and it was embarrassing to root for them.

4 Titles in 9 years????

HOLLA!!!!!!!!

The Pioneer Woman

2007-04-19T12:43:00.000-05:00

Go here now......http://www.thepioneerwoman.com/

I was using Google to find out more information on a lens for my Nikon D70 and ended up on her site. I can not believe that I have not seen her weblog before. She's amazing.

Go! Go now!!!

Why are you still here??

Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak...

2007-04-05T09:36:00.000-05:00

Who, on this Earth, thought it was a good idea to design toddler shoes that squeak when they walk? And what sadist thought it would be a good idea to put those shoes on their toddler and then take that toddler to Hollywood Video and let the child run amok in the aisles?

My frazzled just-after-work nerves did so not need that.

Imaginary Friends

2007-04-04T13:22:00.000-05:00

Shortly after Richard Jeni allegedly killed himself, the gals on The View showed some clips of his performances on their show. During one of the clips, he said something that really, really resonated with me. He said, about religious wars, "You're basically killing each other to see who has the better imaginary friend."

Genius. Sheer Genius.

RIP

I Knew It

2007-03-28T13:22:00.000-05:00

Man, keeping up a blog is hard and challenging work. I have thoughts throughout the day that I think, "oh, I'll write about that" but given that I work in an office environment with folks who have no sense of privacy when they walk up to my computer, I keep those thoughts to myself and think about writing here later. Then, I get home and I watch TV while sitting on my ass and now, here it is, three months later with nary a post.

First of all, how MUCH do I love Ellen Degeneres? She's amazing. Her show is never mean spirited, it's always fun and I am so thrilled that she is doing a daily show. I can not believe that I am living in a time wherein an Out and Proud Lesbian is on her own daytime talk show and that she hosted the Academy Awards. I never thought I'd see these days.

Second of all, The CLASS OF 80 ROCKS! Rosie O'Donnell is so, so enjoyable that I am watching The View religiously. We're the same age and have so, so much in common and she really speaks The Truth in a way that pleases me mightily.

I stepped on my scales in January and was absolutely appalled to see the numbers on the digital readout --- in the order in which they were displayed. I was only 27 pounds from 200 and I'm only 5'5". I moped and continued my wicked ways until Lent when I decided to give up adult beverages for a six week period of time to see if that could keep my hands out of the pantry. I drink, I munch, I gain weight. It's simple, really.

I started walking on our ProForm treadmill on March 19th and have walked 30-60 minutes almost every day since and I am starting to see slight progress. I am down nine pounds from my all time high. It's slow progress but I can not continue my life along the path it was going so I'm happy I've been able to toe the line.

All for now,
Amelia

The one about our restroom at work. . .

2006-12-21T07:19:00.001-05:00

Apparently, I'm not having enough fun, or being creative enough, when I go into our company restroom to pee. You see, I go into the stall, pull out the "management provided" white paper liner, place said liner on the toilet seat, pull down my pants, sit down and pee.

To the woman who used the toilet in the stall I *almost* used.......what exactly did YOU do? You must've walked in, pulled down your pants, hovered over the toilet seat and gyrated your hips in a circle so as to make the BIGGEST FREAKING MESS I've ever seen.

Good God, people. It's just not that hard.

I don't see "One man, one woman" in this definition

2006-12-21T07:18:00.001-05:00

Merriam Webster Online

Main Entry: mar·riage
Pronunciation: 'mer-ij, 'ma-rij
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English mariage, from Anglo-French, from
marier to marry
1 a (1) : the state of being united to a person of the
opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and
contractual relationship recognized by law (2) : the state
of being united to a person of the same sex in a
relationship like that of a traditional marriage
marriage> b : the mutual relation of married persons :
WEDLOCK c : the institution whereby individuals are joined
in a marriage 2 : an act of marrying or the rite by which the married
status is effected; especially : the wedding ceremony and
attendant festivities or formalities 3 : an intimate or close union

Mary Cheney and Bush

2006-12-19T23:07:00.000-05:00

Oh, PS? George and Laura are THRILLED, I hear, about Mary's pregnancy. Now, I've said before, in other places, that I am certain that George is not nearly the bigot that he portrays himself to be.....his political musings that are profferred to our media are those that pander to his box of rocks Southern Base.

The one about why I hate this time of year

2006-12-19T22:40:00.000-05:00

Three years ago, a week before Christmas, my eldest cat got sick and landed in the Animal ER. In the 15 1/2 years I'd had him in my life, this was the first time there was any ER visit and it was during this visit that I had the troubling revelation that he was NOT going to be around forever. Two months later, I had to have him put to sleep when the vet told me "he's trying to die and we have to help him."

Two years ago, my next eldest cat, a week before Christmas, also had to be put to sleep.

Last year, three weeks before Christmas, my Sweet Love's mother died.

This year, my 16 year old cat is sick. She's very sick. She's been fighting kidney disease for the past two years and has on again, off again urinary tract and/or bladder infections. She is on a modified diet with low protien food and every couple of days I give her sub-q fluids. I shove a 1/2 a pepcid ac tablet down her throat every morning and then 1/4 of a blood pressure tablet down at night.

Last night, my sweet baby girl made some "hunching" movements -- the posture of a kitty who has to pee but can't. She wandered around the basement, squatting here and there with little coming out and when I checked on her first thing this morning, she was doing the same thing. Once she realized I was observing her, she was in and out of her cat box......mostly in....squatting to no avail.

I left work this morning and picked her up at home and then took her and dropped her off at the vet's office. I left her there secure in the "knowledge" that this was just another infection and that they'd take a urine sample and sign us up for some antibiotics and things would be all good again. BUT THEN......

At 4:00 this afternoon, the vet and I spoke and she gave me some very troubling news......my sweet kitty might have bladder cancer. Bladder.cancer. Not an infection --- there were no red or white cells showing in her urine sample which would indicate infection and she said that there were some "suspicious cells" so she wanted to send the sample out to the lab. She also did an ultrasound around the area of my kitty's bladder and didn't find a mass or detectable lesion but said that there is a slight thickening of the wall of her bladder that is not normal.

It's less than a week before Christmas and I am once again facing the mortality of a loved one.

I hate this time of year, yo.

The magazine subscription beg-a-thon

2006-11-30T08:47:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, I received two letters in the mail, one from each of my two young nephews asking me to 'support our school' and sign up for magazine subscriptions. I tossed them in the trash. Two days ago, I received copies of the information again and AGAIN I tossed them in the trash.

I have subscriptions to four publications: Vanity Fair, The Advocate, National Geographic and PC World. I read them every once in a while, mostly while, "indisposed." Ahem, cough. I'm very behind in my reading of these magazines because well, I work full time and I spend most of my free time in front of my laptop reading weblogs. The point is, I don't need more magazines and I certainly don't need magazines that are going to benefit a "Christian School" in the Deep South. Uhm, hellz no.

I am finding that as I get older, I am becoming less and less tolerant of the followers of religion, even when they are in my own family. Elton John is right, as far as I am concerned, and we *should* ban all religions because their followers truly *are* hateful lemmings.

I have found, in my experience and truth, that most followers of Religion are arrogant, hateful people who are going to get a good dose of reality when my favorite line in the Bible is shown to be true: "The meek shall inherit the Earth."

The one about the weight gain

2006-11-28T08:18:00.000-05:00

In 1993, I met a woman who I thought would be the one with whom I'd spend the rest of my life. After a time, I found her to be a raving narcissist and, though I loved her family and had no wish to leave the relationship with them, I found myself withdrawing more and more into my own hobbies and interests and leaving the intimate relationship with "she who must have her way" behind. Since my interests were not her interests, at all, and she had little inclination to even pretend to want to do the things I did, I thought "fuck it".....it's my life, too. . . .

She turned 40 and decided to find a personal trainer to help her lose her baby fat, subsequently had an affair with her trainer and then dumped me after seven years. She then spent another two years screwing me around and hinting at a reconciliation and I would offer that this was only because her family loved me so. Sigh. What a waste of time.

Anyway, immediately after the breakup, I freaked out, had endless anxiety attacks, lost 3o pounds in six months and spent most weekends hugging a bottle of Jack Daniels whilst nestling alone on my couch. It was a little bit of my own personal hell on earth.

Fast forward six years or so.......to an amazing four plus years relationship, the purchase of a new home and the discovery of Xanax to ease those anxiety woes! No more overwhelming, debilitating anxiety, BUT, no more weight losses either.

I've rediscovered the 30 pounds I lost in 2000 and have gained about 10 additional. I am now, today, wearing pants that used to be my Fat Pants and I was dishearted to find that they are TIGHT. The Wendy's bacon cheeseburger, fries and Kit Kat bar that I had for dinner last night didn't help.

It must stop. This is insane. I am NOT this person.

The post about the sanctity of marriage [cough, bullshit]

2006-11-27T23:03:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, Gentle Reader, but I, for one, could not be MORE shocked. Today, just a few days past the day of giving thanks for all the freedoms and such we have in our lives......Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson each filed for divorce from each other after four months of marriage. I am in a very fragile state as a result.... someone....please....hold me.

How shall I ever take heterosexual marriage vows seriously ever again? FOUR MONTHS? Until "death do us" fucking "part?"?????????

Lucy? Let me 'Splain Myself

2006-11-25T17:58:00.000-05:00

Many, many years ago , my brother and I became friends with two boys, Matthew and Mark*, whose father was the kind of dad I always wanted mine to be. My father was in the military, as was their father, but mine traveled quite a bit and the time that he spent away on Temporary Duty (TDY) made my home life just a little bit sweeter. On the other hand, M&M's dad was the kind of dad who made pancakes for them for dinner, took 'em to Burger King, to softball games for his squadron and he'd take them camping. (As an aside, my father beat the ever loving shit out of me whenever he could and called me "Crisco" because I was "fat in the can." Good times.)

Since my "father" was quite the "playah", he and my mom eventually parted ways and, (you've already read ahead, haven't you, Gentle Reader?) Matthew and Mark's dad and my mom got married. Bliss was this close to being had by one and all in our glorious land....except, my mom gave custody of my younger brother and me to my sadistic, ill tempered father because "your brother needed his father and I didn't want to split up you kids." Good Move, Mom! Two Thumbs UP!

My brother and I spent summers and Christmas Breaks with my mom and our SD (StepDad) and, it should be noted, right around the last day of the visit, my anxiety levels increased and I started wailing about how "this is the last time...we'll do this or that" and there was quite the melodrama. It has to be said: I did not want to go back and reside with the sperm donor but, I had no choice.

Fast forward a year or five. My father remarried . They spawned a child a year or so later. Then, the Evil Father got orders to move overseas..........I wept. I was 16, I was this close to my letter jacket for being a Band Queer and we were moving away. To Germany.

As telephone conversations went back and forth between both sets of parents, regarding the impending move to Europe, I was beyond wearied of living with my Evil Father so I asked for the opportunity to live with my mother and SD in a forlorn Southern State. My wish was granted. I was to be reunited with friends from 4th through 6th grade and life would be good again! Except??? The SD got orders for Germany, as well. I decided to move with them instead and my "father" took that hard. Apparently, I was supposed to be his beating beeyotch 4-ever.

Now, to backtrack, at some point along the way, whilst I lived in a different state with my mutha fucking father, prior to my moving in with my mother and the SD, both stepbrothers started turning into rabid Southern Baptists. This was .....disheartening, at best, since each of the boys had showed me their naughty bits and had no "come to Jesus" moments when we were alone.

Anyway, so, we moved to Germany, we lived as a family, we loved as only a dysfunctional family can. I drank a lot of mutha fucking beer, my dad got "The Cancer", he had another kid, he threw me some melodrama and I finally graduated from high school and got the hell out of Dodge.

In a desperate need to be at one with American McDonald's fries, I moved back to the States, leaving the SBs and the parents and the MF father and his family behind, and embarked on my College Journey in San Marcos, Texas.

I joined my mother and SD at Christmas the first year they returned to The States and was stunned to find that my younger SB was doing things like BURNING HIS ROCK ALBUMS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Literally. Burning.Albums.For.Jesus. (That didn't stop him from telling me all about screwing his girlfriend in our parent's bed (EWWWW) JESUS ROCKS THE HOUSE!

Fast forward 30+ years. My mom and SD? *They* are my PARENTS. They went from Military Loving Closed Minded Republicans to Liberal Open Independents. I love you guys....

Fo' Real, yo.

* The Names Have Been Changed to Protect Myself from being Sued by Morons.

Slacker

2006-11-25T11:44:00.000-05:00

There is a security guard (and I use that term loosely) who is here "securing" our area. He has his radio on, the door to the conference room closed, and his little face is resting comfortably on his crossed arms whilst he snoozes.

*adorable*

Penguin Love

2006-11-16T22:21:00.000-05:00

Oh for God's sake, people. Yes, Gay penguins can raise a baby penguin.

Get the hell over yourselves.

http://www.cnn.com/video/player/player.html?url=/video/us/2006/11/16/oconnell.gay.penguins.kmov